Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode (TKI): What's Wrong with Accommodating?

Once again we'll look at the costs involved in one style. This time it's the accommodating style. What are some of the potential downsides?

One important downside can be sacrificing something that is very important to you. If you give in to the wants and needs of others, you're likely to feel bad about the result. While you might feel some short-term relief at reaching a solution, your needs are unlikely to disappear. Since they haven't been satisfied, you'll discover how important the issue was to you, sooner or later.

You might also lose the respect of others in your group. If you show low assertiveness, your negotiation partners will notice this and take advantage of your position in the future. In other words, you're starting a pattern that could be difficult to dislodge later on. You could be exploited by others who learn that by pushing you hard enough, you'll eventually give in and give them what they want.

By using the accommodating style you also run the risk of losing your motivation. Your satisfaction with your outcomes will surely go down the more you use the accommodating style. You could agree to things you really don't want to do. After all, if your needs are not be met, at least some of the time, you'll soon learn that it doesn't pay to negotiate at all - your position will not be respected anyway.

Be careful of becoming a "doormat," which means letting others do whatever they want with you. This is common among those who avoid conflict as well as accommodating types. Remember, conflict does not mean others dislike or hate you. Conflict is common to all sorts of human interactions. You can have conflict and still be friends with others. Accommodating types can feel that conflict will cause lasting damage to a relationship. That might be the case. More frequently, it will either lose its importance over time or even build stronger relationships. Each style is good for some circumstances and not others. The true skill is to learn when to use each one.